As any avid thrifter can tell you: there is no shortage of clown paraphernalia at your average thrift store. They’re on coffee mugs and cross-stitch art. They’re in porcelain and plaster. They’re lurking in the knick-knack area and within the depths of the stuffed toy bins.
And today we are featuring one, right here on Let’s Go Thrifting!
Direct from 2nd Ave for the low, low cost of 90 cents, we bring you a clown. That's right. For your entertainment and enlightenment we have captured a single clown for the purpose of a study in fear.
First Observation.
He looks harmless enough, with the lone poof ball on his starred costume and the welcoming gesture of his arms.
But upon closer inspection…
Second Observation.
Those eyebrows are rather…confrontational. And it seems his ruffles are flailing in anger, like the feathers on a bird of prey, poised to attack.
And closer, still…
Final Observation.
Those empty, soulless eyes. The marked furrow of his brow. The impossibly tiny red hat. These are all proven scientific features of a murderer. Especially the hat.
Conclusion.
Despite initial appearances, all clowns have impulses to maim, murder or at the very least, scare the living crap out of their owners.
Thrifters, beware. No matter how unassuming...No matter how cheap... a clown is a clown. It will juggle. It will make balloon animals. And it will get you while you’re sleeping.
Have you seen this clown?
This is Pennywise the Clown.
If you find any clown-related merchandise that bares even the slightest semblance to him, for the love of God and all things holy, leave it be. Even if it only costs a penny at Goodwill, leave it and run--don't walk--to the nearest exit.
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