Thursday, July 7, 2011

Odds 'n' Ends Thursday: A Weighty Issue

Of course we all remember this creep show of classic literature. In honor of tonight's final competitive Weight Watchers weigh-in, I've decided to resurrect the fine art of body watchin'.

For the past thirteen weeks my dad and I have been competing in the annual Weight Watchers Battle of the Badges, a friendly weigh-off challenge between police and fire fighters and their families. Tonight is the last weigh-in. While I know I didn't win top prize, my now baggy jeans and ill-fitting pajamas are prize enough for now. I've decided to stick with the program beyond Battle of the Badges and hope to lose another 50 pounds in the next six months. But after tonight's weigh-in I'm treating myself to a hefty dose of crab fries with cheese and muscles in red. It will be...glorious.

But come tomorrow morning, I'll be back on track again. I need to be. Because apparently, in accordance with Body Watchin' author and self-proclaimed "Chief Watcher" John L. Shirley, I'm a classic Endomorph. And given this eye-opening illustration, I am also incidentally a bowling enthusiast in drag. Who knew?

"Endomorph: The Fat One" is a chapter dedicated to we fatties who are "awkward in movement and prone to stumble," we who "have a strong aversion to yard work." And word to the wise from The Chief Watcher:

"Never aggravate the endos over their need for food and drink." We might get volatile and chew your arm off for a midday snack.

But don't worry, readers. John L. Shirley loves looking at all body types. This thrifted read is dedicated "to all the bodies I've watched...the knowledge gained has made the writing of this book not only possible, but a lot of fun!"

So keep in mind that next time someone is sizing you up, they may very well be drafting a book on somatotyping... one that will someday end up on the shelves of your local thrift store.


monogirl said...

Congrats on your weight loss and good for you for sticking with the program beyond the Battle of the Badges.

Interesting that John L. Shirley has declared himself the Chief Watcher. Cause *that's* not creepy, not at all.

Jackie Jardine said...

Thank you much for the congratulations, Liz. I did splurge tonight to celebrate the acheivement. And I'm so proud of my dad who has lost an astonishing 46 pounds! But tomorrow I'm working off those french fries, for sure.

Also, John L. Shirley has invented a whole new level of creeptitude in dubbing himself "Chief Watcher." I'm wondering if anyone else was vying for that title...