Saturday, February 9, 2013

It's a New Dawn. It's a New Day.

Ringing in the New Year comes with the seasonally typical expectations of gratitude, hope and a newfound if not temporary initiative for change. 

What I didn't expect, however, was to come down with the flu, a sickness that I swear to this day has a firm grip upon my immune system. 

Inhalers, steroids, antibiotics, the works. I was laid out on the couch like a slug for well over a week. I felt like I was tied to the train tracks, run over repeatedly and then subjected to an invisible elephant stomping on my chest... all day long. Plain and simple: It was awful.

After a week of workless wheezing, chest pain and body aches, I made a decision. If being temporarily unable to breathe was this unbearable, it was time to quit smoking for good.

"If I can go a week without even thinking of cigarettes, I can do this," I thought. It's now 37 days since I last had a smoke. And I wish I could say that I'm feeling good.

But the truth is that I'm irritable, depressed, overly emotional and self-medicating with entirely too much junk food. I guess this was to be expected. I know I made the right choice to quit cigarettes. But I didn't  know it would be quite this hard. It's not the cravings. It's more than that. It's a psychological shift and a physical inability to stay motivated to do much else but sleep and keep myself from buying a pack of Salem Lights. 

Maybe it's a combination of the cold and dreary winter months, of daily stressors weighing on my shoulders and seeing pounds that I worked so hard to lose come creeping back on the scale due to lack of self-control to replace what is clearly a cigarette induced oral fixation. 

BUT THIS IS ME COMING BACK. Slowly but surely, I am prying myself from the refrigerator, from the couch. I am working toward something new. It will take time for me to find happiness with life, love and most of all myself. But I know it's going to happen. 

And I want all of my thrift-family and friends to be there when it does. Thank you all for reading, sharing, commenting and staying with me through what has and may continue to be a tough go of things. 

I am still thrifting. Don't you worry about that. But I'm more than a thrifter, as I'm sure you are too. Me? I'm a writer, always have been. Always will be. And if I neglect to share what's going on in my life in this blog, that I'm not being a very honest one. I hope you all understand my need to purge these emotions in hopes of making Let's Go Thrifting everything it can be.

Stay thrifty, my friends. 


Eartha Kitsch said...

Uggh...your poor thing. I feel so badly for you! I think the number one thing is not to put too much pressure on yourself when you're sick. This strain of flu was over-the-top nasty this time. It took me about five weeks until I felt like my old self again. If you expect too much of yourself while you feel like crap, you're just going to make yourself sicker. So, no..don't eat everything in the fridge (I've done that for you) but do allow yourself something cozy feeling here and there and don't be too hard on yourself. Being sick AND quitting smoking AND trying not to gain weight at the same time? Monster town. Oh, and January is notoriously a super depressing month - so at least that's done.

Jackie Jardine said...

Thanks for nice words, Eartha. As far as the flu is concerned, I think I may have kicked it. But the fatigue, that rundown feeling still has a good grip on me. (It could also be the winter, which I think makes everyone seasonally depressed). Or it could be that bout of depression I'm fighting against. Ah it's a combo effort! I've been indulging, that's for sure. And slowly but surely I'll pull myself out of it. I think it's just going to take a while before I feel 100%

Thanks for reading Let's Go Thrifting, still and again.

<3 Jackie

Anonymous said...

Congratulatuins on 37 days!!! Way to go. I know its hard but it will be well worth the effort. Persevere to the end.

Jackie Jardine said...

Many thanks for the congratulations. I actually survived the weekend intact. It was my first time out to a smoking bar and I resisted the urge to beg for one from a friend. Go me!

<3 Jackie @ Let's Go Thrifting!

Vanessa said...

Congratulations on kicking the habit thus far, I know it's a hard one! Ugh, I feel yo pain on the weigh loss front. I made myself start the year with a detox and lost 8ish pounds and felt/looked I'm back exactly where I started. Without pigging out or anything, it just slowly crept back up. It makes me want to pig out and eat anything I want out of spite, but we shall prevail.

Good luck with all your battles, I'm there in the battlefield along with ya.

Jackie Jardine said...

It's tough out there, Van. But it's comforting to know we all have our battles and are still trucking.

In related news, I'll be joining Weight Watchers again next month, which has worked well for me before. Here's hoping!

<3 Jackie